Why do you fight with dad, don’t you love each other?
Quarrels in front of a child are, of course, unnecessary, but if this happens, do everything so that the baby does not doubt the strength of your union.
Say: “Every person has his own opinion, but you, too, are sometimes capricious and make demands. It’s the same with us, sometimes we disagree and argue, and then we come to a common conclusion, and everything becomes fine again. Of course we love each other, we are family.”
Read also: Parental quarrels and scandals in the family: impact on the child
How to answer children's questions?
You need to answer children's questions with pleasure - and this is the main thing!
It is not necessary to answer them intelligently: most likely, your child will not fully appreciate the intellectual depth of the answers, but if you answer clearly and in such a way that the child will have fun, you have answered perfectly. True, don’t be afraid of your primitive answers. A 4-year-old child came to his mother asking where the Firebird lives. The kid listened for a long time to his mother’s lengthy story about the Far Away Kingdom and the Thirtieth State, and then interrupted with annoyance: “No! She lives in a nest!” And if a child asks you, “What kind of train is this?”, it is not obvious that you need to answer “Passenger” and explain what it is. Perhaps the best answer would be: “Look, it’s a blue train!”
Children want to communicate, and not necessarily hear something smart, so you answer the children in their language, without being abstruse. Remember the old joke? A father and a five-year-old son are walking, the son is chewing an apple:
- Dad, why does the apple turn dark? - You see, son, our atmosphere contains free active oxygen. At the same time, the apple contains calcium, magnesium, and, most importantly, iron. Iron reacts with free oxygen. The result is ferric oxide, which has a characteristic brown color.
There is a long pause. - Dad, who were you talking to just now?
Of course, you really want the conversation to be more than just an exchange of empty words, but for this it is better to seize the initiative and not wait for the child’s questions, but ask yourself: about what is interesting to you and will be developmental for the child. Control his attention. Ask not about “What did you eat today?”, but “What interesting things did you learn or see?”, and this will already be your contribution to the development of the child. To learn to look at the world through the eyes of a child, do not wait for questions, but often ask yourself how he understands what.
Where does snow come from in winter? Where do puddles disappear after rain? Why do big apples float, but small currants drown - look!
To help: buy children's encyclopedias with pictures and do not answer questions that he can handle on his own. Ask more often, “What do you think?” and lead to the answer. The kid will begin to put forward his own versions, perhaps very fantastic ones. And maybe very faithful. And our task now is to follow his reasoning and slightly push them in the right direction with leading questions. With joint efforts, the answer will be found easily and quickly. It makes sense to say after this: “See how great you are! I didn’t know, but I thought about it and found the answer myself!” And it doesn’t matter at all that we brought him to this answer. The important thing is that the child realizes his capabilities and understands that through reasoning one can really figure out a lot of things!
If your child’s questions irritate you, answer him with cheerful stupidity: he will respond with cleverness and you will laugh together. Perhaps the baby is simply bored and wants communication. So he is looking for ways to somehow “hook” us. Often this results in a chain where each next question clings to the answer. "What are you doing?" "I am washing the dishes". “Why are you washing the dishes?” “To be clean.” “Why should it be clean?” “So that it would be pleasant to eat from it.” “Why, so that eating is pleasant?” Well, etc. Sound familiar? Here, at the very beginning of the dialogue, instead of answering, you can ask the child: “What do you think?” And then take the topic of conversation in a slightly different direction. Sometimes it makes sense to answer a question to which a child already knows the answer, with a bit of humor. "What are you doing?" “I’m dancing!” “No, mom, you wash the dishes!” We laughed together, and there was no irritation...
Why did you give birth to me?
Typically, a child asks this question between the ages of 3 and 5, and then during adolescence, when he lacks your attention, care and approval or is trying to mitigate punishment. Another baby can manipulate you in this way, from the category of “why did you give birth to me if you can’t take me to the sea.”
Your move: “We love each other very much, so we started a family, in a complete family there are always children, they are like the fruit of the love and tenderness of their parents. We really wanted to have our continuation, a smart, beautiful child, so we gave birth to just such a child, you.” Let your child know how special he is, how much you wanted and waited for him.
Since this question almost always comes up when a child wants an extra portion of attention and care, it is worth telling him as much as possible about how much you love him, listing his positive qualities and praising him. If the child is simply manipulating you and needs some kind of material “confirmation” of your words, then there is no need to waste time talking, explain your decision regarding the controversial issue and do not follow the baby’s lead.
Read also: Little manipulators: how to respond to a child’s tricks? 10 most successful children's phrases
Memo for educators “Learning to ask questions”
Project “I am a teacher”
Learning to ask questions
(methodical memo)
Any researcher must be able to ask questions.
What questions might there be?
They can be divided into two large groups.
1. Clarifying
for example, “Is it true that... Should I create... Should I...”. They can be simple or complex. The latter consist of several simple ones (“will you play computer games with the guys or do you prefer to play them alone?”). simple questions can be divided into conditional (“Is it true that if a puppy refuses to eat and does not play, then he is sick?”) and unconditional (“Is it true that you have a kitten at home?”).
2. Replenishing (undefined, indirect).
They usually include the words “where, when, who, what, why, which”, etc. These questions can also be simple (“Where can the house you drew be built?”) and complex (“Who, when and where can build this house ?).
In the process of cognition, questions must precede answers. Therefore, it is very important to develop the ability to ask questions.
Various exercises are used for this.
- For example, the famous American psychologist E.P. Torrance showed children pictures depicting people and animals and asked them to ask questions to the person depicted in them, or to guess what questions the person depicted in the picture might ask.
- Another task is “What questions will help you learn new things about the object lying on the table?” (Toy car, doll, etc.)
- A child of senior preschool age is given the following situation: “Imagine that a stranger has approached you. What three questions would he ask you? Preschoolers learn to ask questions on behalf of another.
- The ability to ask questions also develops in the “Find the hidden word” task. It can be carried out in different ways. Here's the simplest one. Children ask each other different questions about the same subject, starting with the words “what”, “how”, “why”, “why”. A more complex option is also possible. The child thinks of a word. Tells everyone only the first sound (letter), for example “m”. Someone asks a question, for example6 “Isn’t this an animal?” or “Isn’t this furniture?” The child who thinks of the word answers “yes” or “no.” After this the questions continue. There is only one limitation: you cannot ask questions designed for direct guessing, for example: “Is this a bridge?”
What questions are most productive at various stages of a child’s research search? What is the hierarchy of levels of questioning?
It is desirable that in the first stages of a novice researcher’s encounter with a problem, descriptive questions are posed: “Who? How? What? Where? When?". They are more connected to the present and describe the situation “Here and Now”, which allows you to comprehend it. By asking such questions, the child learns to observe, describe, and develops confidence in understanding the present.
And only after the problem situation has been described as accurately as possible, we can rise to the next level - ask causal
questions
(remember:
causa
translated from ancient Greek is reason) “Why? From what?". This level requires understanding and establishing connections (associations).
Consistently passing through these two levels, the child learns to observe, describe, establish associations, and learn new tasks. This creates the basis for the next level - subjective questions
: “What do I know about this? How do I feel about this? As we see, at this stage children rely on analogies and associations. This not only helps to understand the problem, but also develops thinking and promotes involvement in the problem.
The next turn of the spiral is an imaginary question
. It usually sounds like this: “What would happen if? What would happen if?
Assessment questions
follow the imaginary “Which is better? Which is more correct? Only when children have completed all previous levels should an assessment follow. At the same time, it is important to understand: if evaluative questions appear earlier, we will be significantly limited in the development of children's thinking.
It seems that the evaluative level should crown the hierarchy, but solving one problem for a creative person is not the end of the work, but only the beginning of a new one. We must prepare children for this. That the present always continues into the future, and therefore it is necessary to accustom them to further questions: “What else might interest you in this problem? What else can you offer or do?” They awaken curiosity, challenge a child's imagination, and force him to test how far the boundaries of his creativity extend.
2
conclusions
Sometimes parents, in the flow of everyday affairs, do not attach importance to children's questions, considering them stupid and meaningless. However, for children, questions are one of the most important ways to understand the world. Who, if not a close person, will the baby ask about what worries him? By showing respect for your child's questions, you contribute to the development of his curiosity, as well as the establishment and maintenance of a trusting relationship with him.
