CHILD PSYCHOLOGY: A child cries when parting. Child psychologist recommends (list of games after kindergarten)

“Choosing a kindergarten for a child under three years old?? Should I give it to the garden??? How is it possible?! He’s so small!” - I hear exclamations... somewhere in the depths of my soul. I decided to send my child to kindergarten from the age of 1.5 years. How to choose a kindergarten? What criteria should I consider? What is important and what can be neglected? I realized that in order to make such a difficult decision, I really need a certified specialist, a professional in his field, a person who has worked in kindergartens and knows what is there and how it works from the inside_________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Choosing a kindergarten for a child under three years - this, of course, is the choice of the parents. Parents must be sure that this place is suitable for the whole family, that their child will feel comfortable here, the parents will be able to leave him here without a doubt, and during his stay he will receive exactly what the parents would they wanted him to receive. For example, - for some, the program is more important, for example, learning English, some additional developmental classes; - for others, comfort is more important, for example, spacious classrooms, delicious food, new premises, etc.; - for some people, the reviews and prestige of this particular place are more important. - for some, a specific method is more important, for example, Montessori or Waldorf, simply because this system allows you to implement the principles that are important for a parent in raising a child. And there is no right or wrong approach, we are all different, with different values and life guidelines , and that's great. But in any case, it would be great if parents, in addition to their criteria, also took into account the criteria that are important to their child. Because, in principle, for any child at this age there is a certain set of fairly simple basic conditions-needs, the satisfaction of which will help him grow harmoniously and happy. So, what is important for a child under 3 years of age? Significant adult In fact, before the age of three, having “your” person is the most important and most necessary criterion for the child’s comfort. It’s like Maslow’s pyramid: if there is a person in kindergarten whom the baby and his mother trust unconditionally, and with whom the child feels protected and supervised, then development will not take long to arrive, and the child will be comfortable in general, and can hope for painless separation and quiet trips to the garden every morning. What to check in kindergarten? 1) how often teachers change in principle, and whether this particular teacher in your group is going on a long vacation in the near future; 2) how the process works adaptations: are there any regulated procedures, are they adapted to the needs of a particular child. After all, someone easily gets used to new circumstances, gets carried away by new toys and friends and quickly forgets about their mother, while others need their mother to move away very gradually, giving the baby time to get used to independence; 3) is there an opportunity to meet a teacher on site? child, ideally at your home, or at least in advance in a classroom without other children, spend time with the teacher and mother in this new atmosphere for at least half an hour; 4) is there an opportunity for the mother to sit in the corridor so that the child knows that at first he he can always go out and find her there if he becomes scared or sad. Ideally: The teacher comes to the baby’s home and meets him there. The first time a child comes to class for half an hour, and the teacher individually works only with the child, showing how everything works (other children are taken on by assistants). At the same time, the mother sits next to the class in the corridor, the child can always go out and see that she is there. Gradually, the time spent in class increases from half an hour to three over about a week. The mother must say goodbye to the child. The child does not understand the passage of time by the clock, but instead you can tell him something like this: “Now you will play with the children, then have lunch, and then I will come.” The farewell ritual is also very important; these situations can and should be played out at home with toys. You can also give your baby a piece of his mother or home with him - for example, a small toy that can be put in his pocket. Be sure to notify the teacher about this so that the toy is not accidentally lost. Children feel calmer this way. Physical space For any child at this age, order is important; it inspires calm and confidence that everything is fine and the way everything should be. Therefore, an ordered physical space in which the child knows where everything is and can use it if desired is of great importance. At the same time, it is important that the environment contributes to the development of the baby’s independence, and that he can get all the items necessary for play or other activities himself. At this age, the child is happy to show independence, including being able and willing to go to the toilet on his own, eat on his own, undress and dress himself, tidy up his toys himself, etc. etc. It is important that the environment allows him to do this. Well, the aesthetics of the space, of course, also additionally stimulates the development of the child: it is good and pleasant to be in a clean, bright room, beautifully decorated with crafts and various interesting pictures. What to check in a kindergarten? 1) each item in the garden has its own place, and the rooms have dedicated areas for different activities: undressing, playing, sleeping, eating, walking, etc.; 2) shelves, hangers, beds, tables, sinks, pots, and of course, toys, materials for the child’s activities, books are located in the child's direct access; he doesn't need an adult to reach them; 3) the room has a bright and calm atmosphere, you personally would like to spend time there. It’s good if on the walls children can see the results of their labors (crafts) and photographs, some large pictures with familiar objects, etc. Routine A sequence of actions repeated day after day gives the same calm and tranquility as physical order. If the baby knows what follows what, knows that we always sleep after lunch, and always wash our hands before lunch, he feels safe and can switch his attention to exploring something new, to enjoying the game and new skills. At the same time “routine” does not mean a rigid schedule with half-hour changes in activity. Freedom in choosing an activity, time to think, time to understand the game are very important. What to check in kindergarten? 1) is there some kind of formal schedule or some sequence of actions that is repeated day after day; 2) is there any time allocated for there is enough time for a variety of activities so that it is enough for all the children in the group, so that the kids can concentrate on some activity, so that they are not rushed, for example, with dressing or lunch. Ideally, in terms of physical space and routine: First, the teacher shows that and where you can do it. The child gradually masters the territory and type of activity, then can choose activities, begins to feel more confident, and is more actively involved in activities. It is very important that children are not rushed if they are busy with something, and that activities are not imposed. For example, if a child does not want to listen to a book with everyone, then he has the opportunity to calmly draw in a corner or play some other quiet game. Structured group classes at this age are not particularly necessary, just as strict schedules with half-hour classes are not needed. The role of the teacher is precisely to monitor what the child is interested in on his own and help him realize this interest. Movement It is very important for children at this age to develop gross and fine motor skills, therefore dance classes, a lot of time on the playground, the opportunity to jump and run, but with meticulously rearranging small parts and putting together puzzles, mosaics and construction sets - this is exactly what should be provided in a kindergarten. What to check in a kindergarten? 1) how is the playground organized, are there a variety of stairs/slides/paths, are there games with children in some active games in the air; 2) are there dance classes, sports, some kind of musical and movement activities; 3) what materials are there in the classroom for the development of fine motor skills, especially for the development of pincer grip and other “fine work” » with your fingers.

Speech

During this period, speech development is very active. It’s good if the kindergarten pays special attention to this and offers classes, for example, in English.

What to check in kindergarten? 1) how teachers communicate with each other, how developed their speech is. The child will absorb the peculiarities of speech patterns and accent at the speed of light; 2) what activities for speech development are offered in the garden : for example, do they read books to children, do they all sing songs together, etc. 3) is it possible to create a bilingual environment . At the same time, an important principle for mastering two or more languages is: one adult - one language. Therefore, it is good when teachers speak different languages all the time, or there are special lessons in a second language.

What additional questions should you ask before making a decision?

For each parent, some special principles of interaction with the child are important. It is very important that these principles are followed in kindergarten. For example, some parents raise their children without punishment, and therefore do not allow any punitive actions to be used for the child. Here are some questions to think about in advance. 1) How do teachers behave if a child cries, how do they calm the child down? And what do they do if a child cries because his mother left? It is very important that the baby can experience the emotion and voice his emotions. It is important to hug the baby and then turn your attention to something else. If the child cried a little and switched gears, then everything is ok. But if he cries more than he plays or does other activities, then this is a reason to call his mother.

2) Does the child have the opportunity not to join the activity if he does not want to do something with everyone. Does he have a choice?

3) How are conflicts between children resolved?

4) What punishments are applied (if any), what if the child does something destructive-forbidden?

5) What are the rules and boundaries in the classroom? It is important to find out the rules in advance so that there is not much dissonance between the house and the garden

6) What is the ratio of adults to children? In a Montessori classroom, 3 adults for 15 children is considered the norm at this age. In other kindergartens it is better if there are fewer children. Because children need to be monitored and involved if the environment does not set up the child for independence. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Why does a child not want to go to kindergarten?

What to do?

At some point, parents will definitely face the problem of their child attending kindergarten.

It would seem that what could be difficult here? After all, responsibility for the baby is transferred to third parties who will take care of him and make sure he doesn’t get into trouble.

However, not everything is so simple in this case. Dr. Komarovsky has his own opinion on this matter. It can offer recommendations for adaptation.

Preschools have both positive and negative aspects. It is necessary to go through adaptation for the following reasons.

The garden itself is a great place to adapt to society. The child gains the necessary communication skills and, which Komarovsky especially emphasizes, significantly strengthens the immune system. Parents or grandparents will not ensure the full development of the child.
But visiting a kindergarten is a huge threat to both health and psyche. Children who attend kindergarten get sick much more often, and sometimes suffer mental trauma due to the wrong approach of mom, dad and teachers.

That is, the importance of adaptation in this case turns out to be enormous. What can be done to make adaptation more successful? Komarovsky recommends paying serious attention to the following aspects.

It should be noted right away that even in the most comfortable kindergartens, children get sick much more often than at home. Moreover, the adaptation period is seriously extended over time. For some children, three months is enough, while others do not go through adaptation in a year. Therefore, Komarovsky gives such recommendations regarding primary adaptation.

It is better to give the baby away while the mother is on maternity leave. As soon as the first signs of the disease appear, the child can be left at home for several days without any problems. And diseases, as Komarovsky says, will definitely arise.
It is necessary to wisely choose the time of year when the baby will go to kindergarten. The adaptation will be more successful in summer or winter. But the off-season is far from the best time. In autumn and spring, colds are more rampant than ever.
First, parents should inquire about the policy for raising children in kindergarten. The doctor advises sending the baby to an institution where they do not force-feed children and do not try to insulate them as much as possible during walks. This makes adaptation quite difficult.

If you take into account such advice from Komarovsky, the horse will be better protected from diseases.

But what can mom and dad themselves do to maintain his health and at the same time mentally prepare him for visiting this institution? There are also many important aspects here, without which it will not be possible to achieve normal adaptation. Accordingly, the child’s physical and mental health will be at risk.

We suggest you read: At what months does a child begin to walk and how does this happen?

Even in very difficult cases, adaptation occurs sooner or later. But you should make sure that it goes away faster and is painless. For parents who care for their children in the best possible way, Komarovsky advises to adhere to such moments.

In the first months of visiting, your son or daughter should be treated especially favorably. For them, the garden is a huge stress. If the parents also turn out to be too harsh in their treatment, one cannot count on successful adaptation.
Even before the child goes to kindergarten, the circle of people around him should be expanded. Therefore, it is worth going with him to playgrounds or making acquaintances in the park. There are many clubs for preschoolers, where they can also find new friends. A few visits to the circle are enough for adaptation to proceed faster.
Komarovsky also recommends taking care of strengthening your immune system in advance. It is much better if the child has developed protection against bacteria and viruses. Then its adaptation will be simple, and the frequency of diseases will be significantly reduced. This means that the baby’s health will remain normal.

Naturally, there are many problems with adaptation. But he notes that illnesses in childhood are not only inevitable, but also to some extent beneficial. Having caught a cold earlier, the child will receive more lasting protection from diseases in the future. Parents can only simplify the process of getting used to it. This is not so difficult to do if you approach the process responsibly.

The period of adaptation of a child to kindergarten raises a lot of questions among parents.

What awaits the baby away from his mother? How can I help him adapt to the new environment? The process of addiction is accompanied by certain characteristics and changes in the baby’s behavior.

There are physical and psychological techniques that help parents ensure quick and painless adaptation for children of different ages.

Adaptation is the process of adapting the body to changing factors, in particular to the environment, nutrition, and daily routine. For a child, attending kindergarten is a kind of stress. Strangers, a new group of children, separation from beloved parents. The baby needs time to get used to all this.

Important! Parents can help their child get through a difficult period painlessly and quickly. Remember that adaptation is not only a psychological process, but also a physical one.

Degrees of adaptation

All children adjust to kindergarten differently. For some, it is enough to spend just a day in a new environment in order to cheerfully tell their mother in the evening about their adventures and the joys of communicating with new friends.

However, most children get used to it gradually. In most cases, the adaptation period is accompanied by tears and the child’s reluctance to go to kindergarten.

Parents' worries intensify if the baby begins to get sick often.

There are three degrees of adaptation of the baby to kindergarten:

Easy adaptation. In this case, the child gets used to the new place in 3–4 weeks. The period is not accompanied by health difficulties or changes in the baby’s behavior. An easily adaptable child:
lets mother go without tears or whims;
not afraid to join a group;
is in a stable emotional state;
tells parents about what happened that day;
communicates easily with other children;
interested in toys in the group.
Moderate adaptation. The period of addiction is characterized by frequent manifestations of diseases against the background of a stable emotional state. The child does not experience strong psychological discomfort from being in a new team, but often catches a cold. This is due to the entry into the body of new bacteria and viruses that other children “bring with them.” For children who regularly attend kindergarten, these viruses are not dangerous. In a newly arrived child, bacteria unfamiliar to his body can cause illness. This adaptation lasts approximately one and a half months and is distinguished by the following characteristics:
cries for a short time after parting with parents, quickly switches to active play activities;
tension before play or communication lasts several minutes, after which the child begins to actively interact with adults and peers;
responds adequately to comments or requests;
Only occasionally violates the norms and rules of behavior, gets used to finding a common language with peers and adults.
Difficult adaptation. Accompanied by physical ailments and negative emotional manifestations. It is difficult for a child to control emotions. He often cries and categorically refuses to leave his mother and go to kindergarten. Signs of severe adaptation:
in the morning the baby cries for a long time and does not switch to the toys offered to him;
during the day he constantly thinks about family members who will take him away from the group;
withdraws, refuses to contact others, take toys and participate in games;
When the teacher notices or encourages him, he gets scared and seeks support from his mother.

A pediatrician, child psychologist and neurologist will help you survive difficult adaptation. The positive attitude of adults is important.

A positive attitude from parents helps the child adapt faster

Possible problems

There are certain difficulties that parents face when sending their children to kindergarten:

whims. Children who initially enjoyed visiting the kindergarten may suddenly refuse to go there again. They express their disagreement with tears and hysterics. This is due to the fact that the child initially perceived going to kindergarten as a temporary phenomenon. Having played enough and realizing that his mother will leave him in a new place every day, the baby stages a “protest.” In this case, you should not be led by children's emotions. Calmly explain that you need to go to work; he will spend the day in an interesting place with friends;
refusal to eat. Unusual food in kindergarten often causes negative emotions in newly arrived children. There are little picky people who refuse to eat all day. Gradually, the child will begin to try the food offered. Parents who are faced with this problem should feed their baby tightly in the morning;
negative emotions: screams, tears, hysterics. Negative manifestations will end when the baby understands that you will definitely come for him in the evening. Many children are initially afraid that their mother has left and will not return. This fear, which seems funny to adults, can seriously disturb a small child. Reassure the baby, promise to come in the evening. Remain calm yourself, children feel everything perfectly well.

Full adaptation occurs no earlier than 1–2 months after the start of attending kindergarten. Throughout this period, it is important for parents to provide all possible support to the child. After all, it is from the mother that the baby expects approval and consolation when any difficulties arise. How can parents help?

Tip: buy clothes and shoes with buttons or Velcro. This will allow the child to cope with dressing quickly and without outside help.

Prepare in advance. Several months before starting kindergarten, you should adhere to a daily routine. Take an interest in the organization and routine in the kindergarten. Gradually teach your child to live according to this schedule. The usual times of sleep and meals will greatly facilitate the period of getting used to the new environment.
Ensure physical readiness. When entering kindergarten, a child must have basic skills: hold a spoon independently, use a potty. Such seemingly trifles should be taken care of in advance.
Keep your child positive. Talk about the positive aspects of visiting the garden: new friends, interesting activities, walks. Play kindergarten at home.
If possible, introduce your child to the teacher in advance.
Then the new adult will be immediately perceived positively, like an old acquaintance. Invite your child to take his favorite car to kindergarten. The toy will calm you down and help you avoid difficulties during the adaptation period.
Give your child his favorite toy. It will remind you of home, calming the baby. In addition, the toy is a great reason to get to know and play with children.
Be positive about your garden. The child “reads” all your emotions instantly. Show interest, be calm. Be sure to discuss in the evening what interesting things happened during the day. Praise your child and try to create a favorable emotional atmosphere associated with being in kindergarten.

conduct psychological preparation of the child 3-4 months before the start of the kindergarten;
tell your child more often about the benefits of the garden, for example, many kids like to hear that they have become adults;
on the first day in kindergarten, do not leave him for more than 2 hours;
allow you to take a toy from home with you (just not too expensive);
clearly define the time frame when mom will pick him up, for example after breakfast, after lunch or after a walk;
communicate with your child and ask him about his day every time;
don't be nervous and don't show it to your child, no matter how hard it may be for you.

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