How much time do young mothers devote to themselves, completely and completely? Without a husband, children, or family at all? And do they allow themselves the luxury of satisfying their selfish needs, when they can do whatever they want, without regard to the rest of the family?
instagram @lenaflyunt
I recently read a survey among moms in which the main question was what would you do if you had 5 free hours just for yourself. The answers were quite amusing. One girl wrote that she would write for 5 hours, drink a lot of coffee and write again, the main thing is that she would be alone and behind a closed toilet door.
Is everyone really a single mother?
And then I felt sorry for all the mothers! The question struck me like a thunderbolt: don’t many people really have 5 free hours in a row once a week just for themselves? Is everyone really a single mother? But what about your husband, grandparents, girlfriends, in the end, not to mention nannies and kindergartens? Do mothers deliberately fill their entire lives with family and children’s worries or is it a banal inability to look around and understand that there are other people around and if they delegate their maternal responsibilities for a couple of hours, the world will not collapse?
I don’t believe that there are no options, just like that at all. These are rare and isolated cases. Unless mothers themselves do not want it and receive hidden moral satisfaction from hopeless maternity life.
instagram @lenaflyunt
Manicure is not a luxury for me
To avoid going too far, I’ll give myself as an example. I have two children, and in a couple of weeks there will be a third. My only relatives – my mother and sister – live a thousand kilometers away. Friends with whom I am so close that I could load them with my toddlers are in other cities. The husband's relatives - father and sister - are called upon as nannies only in very necessary cases, such as when I go to the maternity hospital. Nanny - I don’t even know if we have them in our city, after all, it’s a province. But, nevertheless, a manicure is not a luxury for me, I can sleep all weekend or go shopping as much as my heart desires, without being in a particular hurry. When my second daughter was seven months old, I returned to school and work. I don’t even think about banal amenities in the form of a hot hour-long bath - it’s an unchanging ritual every other day. I read as many books and watch as many TV series as people without children cannot. In a word, I can live a full life, satisfying my needs, with only a little regard for the children.
How do I do this? Of all the above options, I only have my husband. And my secret is that I’m not afraid and I think it’s right to share responsibility and time for the children with him. We did it together, carried it, gave birth, and now we are raising it together too.
instagram @lenaflyunt
Household chores for a young mother: how to manage everything? – TOP 10 tips
With the birth of a child, a woman has a lot of new responsibilities and worries. But ordinary household chores never go away! The first few months after leaving the maternity hospital do not seem like a welcome idyll to a young mother, but a real test of strength! Caring for a child takes up the lion's share of time, but you need to have time to put the house in order, prepare food, pay attention to your loved ones, and you shouldn't forget about yourself! How not to get bogged down in the abyss of everyday problems and manage everything? – we offer TOP 10 tips for young mothers.
1. Time management. The easiest way to rationally manage your free time is to create a daily routine. The main thing is to adjust your schedule to the rhythm of life, and not to adjust your life to a clear routine. And the routine has a positive effect on the child: children who live according to routine from an early age are more emotionally stable, calm and disciplined. It is better to distribute tasks over time from 3-4 months, when you already notice a certain pattern in the baby’s behavior: when the baby wakes up and goes to bed, when you go for walks or play. Allocate a certain time for each item, and enter other things in the free intervals. Of course, sometimes the schedule may shift (the baby is capricious or, for example, woke up earlier than usual) - you can easily adjust the to-do list.
2. “Time Wasters.” No matter how much a young mother complains about the lack of time, she often has an hour or two to surf the Internet or talk on the phone.
These actions are called “time sinks.” As they say, I just sat down at the computer and the tea had already cooled down and the milk had run off the stove. Optimize costs: allocate 15-30 minutes in your schedule for communication, and otherwise use a computer or TV for background. For example, while cooking or playing with a child.
3. Combine things. There will always be tasks that can be combined without harming the family. For example, while walking, go to the store and do some shopping, while cooking, listen to audio books or study foreign languages, and if the baby is capricious and asks to be held, you can do fitness together or just dance. Even while you are heating up dinner, you can always do something in the kitchen - wipe the dust, water the flowers, straighten the curtains. The main thing is that such actions become a habit, and then everything will go by itself.
4. Little, but often. Many mothers fail to do everything because they are used to doing one thing, but for a long time and conscientiously. Now it’s difficult to find two hours to clean or an hour to cook dinner, because the baby requires constant attention. For this there are so-called “fifteen minutes”. Large and time-consuming tasks need to be divided into several stages: for example, first you prepared and peeled vegetables for soup, read a book with your child, then cut the vegetables and put them in a saucepan - and the food is cooked, and the child is not offended by the attention.
Modern technology also makes life a lot easier for a young mother! If money is tight, it is better to sacrifice the TV, but buy a steamer or vacuum cleaner! Online shopping is also very convenient, especially since most companies practice targeted delivery, so there is no need to travel to the other end of the city with an uncomfortable stroller.
5. We do the cleaning correctly. Of course, every housewife wants comfort and order to reign in her home, but tidying up an apartment in which there are children is the same as removing snow during a snowfall! So limit yourself to the fact that household chores need to be redone gradually. In particular, first do a wet cleaning in the baby’s room, and only then move on to other rooms: today spend 2 times 15 minutes tidying up the kitchen, tomorrow – the bathroom, and so on. General cleaning will no longer be necessary if you spend at least 20-30 minutes a day maintaining cleanliness. This can be done during your morning nap, or you can also use a playpen or sling, put a blanket on the floor in the room for your child - and let him play in front of your eyes while you wipe off the dust or, say, wash the refrigerator.
Try to optimize the space: put toys in a large box, try to keep children's things in drawers. In general, there should be fewer open shelves in the apartment - clutter is instantly visible on them. While the child is small, it is better to get rid of unnecessary figurines, vases, and souvenirs on the shelves - these are real dust collectors, and you have to spend more effort and time to maintain cleanliness. Try to put aside perfectionism for a while and iron only one side of your clothes or even buy sets that do not require ironing - believe me, this will save you a lot of time!
6. Cooking complex dishes. You can cook porridge or pasta even during a 10-minute break, but preparing cutlets, cabbage rolls, dumplings and other time-consuming dishes is somewhat more difficult. If you have some free time, it’s better to prepare them for future use and freeze them - they will become your “strategic reserve” for those days when you don’t have enough time to cook. It is best to cook in the morning, when the child is sleeping or has just woken up and can play on his own.
7. Help from loved ones. Mothers show possessive feelings towards their child and sometimes refuse offered help. And completely in vain! After all, it is precisely the time when your husband, grandparents or girlfriend agrees to babysit that you can use for your benefit! Make a list of things you need to do in advance and do it little by little. Don’t be shy about asking for help: after all, when your husband returns from work, he doesn’t immediately rush to the stove or start doing repairs. Your workday is the same, it's just longer, so it's no wonder you can't keep up with everything.
8. Involve children. Older children can also be given simple tasks: take a walk with the stroller while you do the cleaning, play with a brother or sister, go to the store for bread. You can also do household chores with younger children: cooking, vacuuming, dusting, and so on. You can diversify the activities by interspersing household chores with games: exercising on a fitball, reading books, finger games, reading books, dancing, massage, and so on.
9. Don't be nervous. You can become a superwife and supernanny, but at the cost of your health and nerves. Household chores never end, and an infant will not tell you: Mom, rest, I’ll play myself. Make time for everything, especially on weekends. Plan on Saturday or Sunday to go to the park, on a visit, to the cinema, and so on - routine is exhausting, so an emotional shake-up will be beneficial. Don’t try to do everything at once: ironing or cleaning can be finished tomorrow, but chronic fatigue can ultimately lead to health problems. You can do a lot during a walk: play, explore the world around you, read a book. And, having returned home and put your child to bed, you can go about your business.
10. Time for yourself. Like any working person, mom also needs to rest. Of course, a young mother does not have paid sick leave or vacation, but she does have irregular working hours, which is very tiring. Force yourself to rest, even if there are other things to do! Set aside a couple of hours for yourself: sign up for yoga, dancing or shaping, visit a hairdresser, go visit with friends, take a bath - sometimes there is not enough time even for such simple pleasures! Being confined to four walls with a child 24 hours a day is exhausting, and even 30-40 minutes spent alone with yourself is worth its weight in gold!
Dear mothers, be sure to find time for your loved ones. The main thing is to learn how to properly distribute work, stick to a schedule, then you will have more free time, and it will be easier on maternity leave! Enjoy life and every day and don’t pay attention to minor troubles!
Learn to dance everyday tango
Of course, my husband, like all decent husbands, works and gets tired, but I don’t spit at the ceiling at home either. For a husband, work is not only a place to earn money, but also a kind of release. A place where he takes a break from being constantly jumped around like on a trampoline and asked a thousand questions a minute. He sees other people, his brain is turned on and active, and his time, although not absolute, belongs to him - at any moment he can go to the toilet behind a closed door. But there is another important point - he returns home at six in the evening and this is his conscious choice. I remember how I nagged him because he could work more and, accordingly, earn more. To which he replied:
And skip the children’s entire childhood so that they see dad only on holidays? Not a single, even the most expensive Lego constructor can replace a living dad. I’ll still have time to earn money for both the Maldives and a car with a leather interior, and the children won’t always be small. In the end, our family is not naked and barefoot to work around the clock
At that moment I realized how true and wise this was. Thanks to this order of things, we maintain harmonious and romantic relationships, I have a healthy psyche and I am in general, because I am not exhausted by continuous maternity leave within four walls, and the children are happy, because every evening the best entertainment returns to them - dad! And this can happen to everyone. The only question is to what extent each can afford this, no, not allow it, but allow it. How correctly can one set priorities so that life becomes more environmentally friendly in relation to oneself, and, accordingly, more harmonious and happy.
We consciously choose motherhood, and our husbands choose fatherhood, but only in a partnership can two people realize themselves and not suffer from parental responsibilities. Learn to dance everyday tango. And then you won’t have to dream about what you would do if you had 5 free hours. You will have them a priori.
So, you became a mother and your life has changed a lot with the appearance of a small miracle. More and more often you are wondering how to get more done , perhaps complaining to your loved ones that you don’t have time to live in a circle of worries . The recommendations to which I draw your attention here should help you cope with this task and understand how a young mother can manage everything .
First of all, you need a plan, and to create one you will need to do a little research about your tasks, namely, breaking them down by importance and level of priority for you and your child.
All the affairs that you encounter during the day can be classified into the following categories: - among which there are those that accompany you day after day; - those that you perform once every few days; - things that need to be done once a week; - and those that are not at all necessary.
Once you have divided your tasks into groups, it will be easier for you to work with them and rank them in order of importance. Now we can move on to the plan.
Plan “How to manage everything for mom”
1. Choose a time when the baby sleeps; if you have two children, make sure that no one disturbs you. Sit down, take a piece of paper, a pen/phone/tablet - whatever. Write down everything you would like to do in the coming days (take 2-3 days, this will be enough to trace some pattern). You have spoken! You can proceed to the next point)
2. Now rewrite everything that you absolutely must do in these coming days (this includes most likely responsibilities that you cannot refuse, for example, cooking, washing clothes, hygiene procedures).
3. Then write down all the things that you think would be nice to do, but if you don’t succeed, your life will not change dramatically (for example, going through clothes, rearranging, or buying new bedding).
4. And finally, now you write what you would like to do exclusively for yourself, for your development, for your soul. Now, next to each action, determine the approximate time it will take to complete it. When you count everything, you will understand how much you exaggerated your problems, because most often we are simply distracted from the essence by something extraneous.
Now I want to give you some practical advice. Using them, you will be able to do everything around the house and more :
- Always keep a notepad, pen, piece of paper, phone on hand - ideal. Using notes, you can write down thoughts or things that may suddenly pop into your head. Most often, the solution to a problem comes to us unexpectedly, when we are least occupied with it.
- Alternate your activities. If today you spent a lot of time cleaning the house and are exhausted, there is no need to cook the first, second and third, because the minced meat is fresh and you want to surprise everyone. Put it in the freezer, and tomorrow you will fulfill your culinary duty with love and will not fall from powerlessness. Believe me, it is not worth such sacrifices.
— You will save more than one hour of your time if, instead of reading a book, you use the audio format. You can listen while doing homework or while standing in traffic jams or while waiting for your child to get home from school.
— Analyze what actions do you perform too often? It would be wiser not to burden yourself with unnecessary repetitive work, but to spend the freed-up time more usefully.
- Be sure to unload your head. To get as much done as possible, you need to “unplug” and “reboot” in a timely manner.
Your quality of life and your ability to accomplish as much as possible directly depend on your ability to relax . Do not deny yourself the pleasure of swimming in the pool, taking a walk with a friend or visiting your parents. Use every opportunity to unwind and get positive emotions, take a deep breath and relax.
Of course, we are all driven by love for children, for family, and that is why we strive to do as much as possible , learn, read, do... but still, ask yourself how important what you are doing now is for you and your child. After all, this is time.. It passes, and new things come to replace it, but you will never get these minutes back. Live your life in such a way that you don’t have any regrets that you missed something important.
Take your time to do everything and be happy!
KATRIN GOLETS,
especially for MamaRabotaet.ru
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3 comments on How can a young mother manage everything?
- Mary 06/23/2014
- Vasilchenko Anastasia Leontievna 06/21/2014
The tips are very cool! I try not to waste time, then I get more done. And it’s great that there are audiobooks! Of course, some books are still better to read by yourself, while for others there is an audio format!
- Julia Ryzh 07/21/2014
I agree, planning your day saves a lot of time. As a mother and business lady, I know this first hand.
